Skit

Amitabh’s entrée: mere angne mein….ha ha ha!!!!

Amitabh: Hello Gentlemen. Aaj ki shaam, let me welcome you all to Kaun Banega Sita Ka Pati
Amitabh: OK! So in this so called Sita Ka Swayamvar, we will just have two small rounds.

1) Qualifying round: In this round i will ask only one question which will decide the finalist.

2) Final round

So lets start without wasting time with the qualifying round. So the qualifying question is guess sita ka pati kaun

8 ppl have answered the same thing…sita ka pati mai hoon..hahah..ram says sita ka pathi kaun..mujhe nahi patha..and ravan says,.sita ka pathi mai nahi hoon..they are selected to the final round..Arre..this is sitaz swayamvar..whr did the pati come frm?

Shakti Kapoor: How many fingers do you have in your hands.
Ravan: (ha ha ha ha!) Oye, 5 yaar
Ram: 4 fingers…
Shakti Kapoor: Sahi jawab! Ek tho thumb hai...Ram ka jawab hai sahi...Ravan ka bana diya dahi...Ram ne hai final jeeta...Toh ussi ko milegi Lolitta…I mean Sita.

NARRATION (During this narration the scene on the stage is changed !!!! )Hey..did I tell u smthing?? All characters in this play are purely fictitious. Any resemblence to any character..dead or alive..is just coincidental

AYODHYA: Dasrath & Kaikai Spoof

Dashrath ( the funky guy ) is busy decking up in front of the mirror, humming a song ( Aye Meri Zoher Zabi …. )Kaikai is busy chatting with some friend on the phone. (Need some exaggerated expressions during this conversation)

Dashrath: Darling, It’s been quite sometime now that I am thinking of retiring.
(Kaikai just continues talking on the phone, Dasrath looks up to her .. and keeps talking). In the wake of my retirement I have decided that Ram should take over my position as the chief of Ayodhya Private Ltd.
(Kaikai .. totally startled and shocked, bangs the phone down .. and charges at Dasrath)

Kaikei: Seems like the old age is showing up on you, now its time that you honor two wishes that you granted me, when I saved your life in the battle
(Dashrath has a puzzled look on his face at what Kaikai is up to)
Dashrath: Uhhh ???!!!! I don’t understand the confusion; the wishes are for you to make, go ahead if you think this is the time you want them to be honored. I shall uphold my promises.
Kaikei: Send Ram to goplus for a Management Development Program, so that he can become a better leader.
Dasarath: But who will head Ayodhya pvt ltd during the period of his training?
Kaikei: Make my son Bharat the CEO in his place.
Dasarath: What!!! I cannot do that, the stake holders would go crazy, our stock price would plummet. I can never allow that.
Kaikei (shouts): And what shall the stock holders think when they come to know the ex CEO broke his promises?
Dasarath (with a sad heart): Alright, I shall ask Ram to go on the Management Development Programme…

NARRATION (During this narration the scene on the stage is changed !!!! )Do you really think they are Dashrath and Kaikai from Ramayana !!! ….. ohh !!!! did I say Ramanyana ?!! …. Huh ! see even I get carried away with the names and references. But anyway we know that its all a work of fiction and these resemblances are purely conincidental you see ;-) … he he !!Ha ha ha …. Hey .. common .. lets catch up with our guys ar GO+

GO+ Scene

In the forest Laxman is totally distressed at being sent with Ram to GO+, far from palatial comforts.

Laxman: Lagta hai .. Babuji ka dimag budhape mein satiya gaya hai !!! (Kaikai’s Back Voice : Laxman … how dare you called your father Babuji .. ) Sorry ma !!! I meant Daddy …… (Laxman perspiring…) Huhh !! I am day dreaming in this forest, ohh god … help me out… Dammmn I am alone here and Ram is having fun L

Right at that moment SOORPANKA enters the scene

Soorpanaka: Hey good looking !!! Whats cooking ??!!! (need good expressions here !!!!)
Laxman: Whistlesssss …. Wowww !!! didn’t know about this happening here man !! GO+ doesn’t seem that dull…
Soorpanaka: Hello Handsome !!! got 5 min ?!!
Laxman: Ohh !! I’ve got plenty of time.
Soorpanaka: Didn’t know you were that Jobless eh ??!! I am the sister of the mighty Ravan, the chief of RAP LABS.
Laxman (impressed): Wowwww!!!! I am no small duck either … I am a powerful stakeholder in “Ayodhya pvt ltd” huh !!!
Soorpanaka: Powerful ???!!! ohh common. You call dwelling in a forest as being powerful.. go and fool someone else.
Laxman (frenzied): Careful lady, gusse mein tum bahut haseen lag rahi ho
Soorpanaka: Arre ja ja !!! kisko impress kar rahe ho?
Laxman: talwaar chalaney mein bhi hamara koi thod nahi hai… Dekhogi?
Laxman starts playing around with his sword tying to demonstrate his prowess at sword, and also trying to impress SOORPANKA. In the process due to some uncontrolled action, the sword falls on SOORPANKA and takes her nose off !!!!!
SOORPANKA (shouts): aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!! my nose..!
Laxman (totally terrified, about to cry !! ): Oh my god !! I didn’t mean to do that .. at all .. I am so sorry.
(But soorpanka is not ready to hear anything and warns him of the consequences)
Soorpanaka (weeping): Now I’ll surely make you pay a big price for this … watch yourself .. I’ll be back …
Laxman is totally disturbed.. thinking of consequences and crying.

RAVAN’s ENTRY

Ravan: Hey sis…looking gr8 eh?
Soorpanaka: (looking at audience) what??? Blind fella!! (looking at Ravan) whr are ur specs??? Put thm on.! Now look..that foolish Laxman sliced my nose off .
Ravan: Okie okie … chill babe !!!
Soorpanaka:You should take revenge for me.
Ravan: we’ll make thm suffer for this insult.

Narrations: Wowwww!!! there semms to be lot of interesting things happening in this GO+, lets catch up with the other guys out there.

SITA KIDNAPPING

Ram and Sita are chilling out in the woods on his bike. Ram trying to get romantic.
Ram: Its so beautiful out here away from the disturbing sounds of the city.
But Sita is totally uninterested in Ram, she is busy checking out the beauty of the woods with her binoculars. Ram has a very disappointed look.
Sita: arre…aage dekh.. Ohh, Woww !! look at that .. golden dear…. Ram, let me tell you this, If you cant get me that deer .. don’t even think of taking a single step towards me. Now stop the bike … stooppppppppp !!!
Ram: Arre I am trying …. Breaks are bad. Tumhare daddy ne ek motorcycle bhi dhang ki nahin di … huhh ???!!
Sita: Bakwaas band karo..and get me that deer !!
Ram: Okie baba, you walk down to the dwelling, I’ll be back with YOUR DEAR DEER !!!! …. Phewww ( wipes the perspiration off his forehead)
Ram takes off on his bike, to hunt for the deer, on the way he hears the song ( Champi song !!! ) . He finds Hanuman enjoying the song on the iPod and getting his champi done.
Ram: Hye Hanuman !!! How are you doing man … howz life buddy ???!!!
Hanuman: Oye koun hai papppe !!! Oye Ram .. my dear … ki haal chal yaarrrr ?!!!!
Tussi jangal vich ki kar rahe ho yaarrr…
Ram: Oye don’t ask yaar… daddy ka dimag kharab ho gaya tha, pata nahin kyun mujhe yahan bhej diya .. tu suna yaar… ki chal raha hai … teri bhabhi bhi yahin hai jungle mein .. (grins !!!!)
Hanuman: Oye kya bhabhi bhi yahin hai …. Oye sahiiiiiiiiii !!! Oye mujhe Sita bhabhi ke haath ka khana khana hai yaar… plzzzz !!!!!
Ram: Oye zarroorr yaar…. No issues … chal aaja baith jaaa gadi vich .. chalet hain ghar.
Ram drives Hanuman to his hut. Sita reaches the dwelling, and is getting impatient to see the golden dear. She bugs laxman to go on the look out for Ram.
Sita: Hey Lax, can you please tell me why is your brother such a lazy guy. I asked him to get a small thing and he is taking ages. Please go and check his where-abouts, I desperately want to see that golden deer.
Laxman: ok maata Sita, I think I should go and find Ram. But let me ensure your security first ( starts working on his laptop)
After a few moments Laxman is done with his job.
Laxman: I have created a very powerful firewall around this dwelling, which no one on this earth can break, however for your convenience you can keep this access card with you to venture across this firewall. I’ll be back soon with ur deer and Ram.
Sita: Bye … C ya !!!!
After a while Ravan appears near Sita’s shelter, and shouts out.

Kidnap scene

Ravan: bhikshaam dehi….
Sita: Arre…ja ja
Ravan: gimme something
Sita: I cant cross this line. So, I cant give u anything
Ravan: U have to
Sita: but y???
Ravan: Arre.. script mein tho aisa likha hua hai
Sita: Ohh!!!

NARRATOR: Woo hoooo !!! so are you people having fun !!!! Okie .. I know its funny, your giggles tell the story, that you people are having reallll fun …. But are you getting wazz happening here ??! .. ha ha .. don’t try to … just chill ;-) after we all know its all fiction … right ?!!

After Sita goes, Ram, Laxman and Hanuman arrive at Panchvati !!! Everyone is worried wondering where did Sita go !!
Ram: Where is Sita? I cant find her anywhere.
Hanuman: Yaar yeh vaddi dangerous jageh hai .. mujhe to laaagdaa hai .. koi shaana bhabhi ko kidnap karke kat liya hai …
Laxman: Ohhhh dammnnn !! Dude …. I think you are right …. Someone has tampered with the firewall .. it has been breached. Uhhhh …. Brother seems like we’ve a problem at hand.
Hanuman & Ram observe Ravan’s sign, and recognize that Ravan has kidnappend Sita …..
Hanuman: Hey guys … have a look at this …
Ram: This is Ravan’s sign
Hanuman: mujhe to lagda hai .. yeh pattha hi bhabhi nu apne hun le gaya hai …
Ram: Ohhhh !!! Ab kya hoga ….
Hanuman: Oye, chill maddi badshao !!! Abhi lanka ka ticket katao .. aur bhabhi ko wapas lao .. chalo !!!

@ LANKA

Hanuman: Oye bhidu … ye lanka to vadi rapchik jageh hai yaar… ek dum chama cham
Ram: Seriosly man, its fundoo !! Ravan baap bahut maal kamaya hai lagta hai.
Laxman: Arre bhai, take some lays.
Ram: no..
Hanuman: arre..take..itz onion flavour
Ram: Aisa hai kya? Thn I will take one..!
Laxman: Arre bhai, bhabhi ke baare mein soochon yaar..
Hanuman: Oye !! haan…. hum to bhool hi gaye ..
Ram: Hanuman, you go to Ravan and ask him to return Sita to us.

HANUMAN @ LANKA

Hanuman: Ayee !! dude, tussi sita baabbi nu kyu pareshan kar rahe ho yaar. Now common, assi unko lene aaye hain, unhe chhod do.
Ravan: Hey you, chill man. Ram cheated me during Sita swayamvar, then that guy Laxman chopped off my sisters kutti nose L !! and you say I let Sita go just like that. If Ram really wants Sita back, let him fight it out for her.
Hanuman: Oye, assi lad lenge, mar jayenge par sita nu leke jayenge yaar !!!!
Ravan: Common buddy, no marna maarna, if Ram wants Sita he’ll have to play lukka chuppi with me, if he wins, he gets Sita back ….. ha ha ha ha ha !!!!! ha ha ha ha !!!
Hanuman is puzzled

HANUMAN with RAM – LAXMAN:

Hanuman: Oye bhidu log … yeh Ravan to bada wala shana hai, bolta hai Sita ko chudane ke liye lukka chuppi khelna hoga.
Ram : Ab kya hoga?
Laxman: Hanuman ji lagta hai humme hi kuch sochna padega … Mein to kehta hun aap apni poonch se lanka mein puri lanka mein aag laga do.
Hanuman: Oye nahin mundeyaa …yeh mujhse nahin hoga.
Laxman: Par kyun paaji ??!!!!
Hanuman: Oye yaarrr!!!! meri poonch mein bahut dard hai !! J J J
Ram: Koi baat nahin Hanuman..you take care! Mein Ravan ko dekhta hun.
Ram murmurs something in Hanuman’s and Laxman’s ears, both Hanuman and Laxmman start jumping, but Hanuman is still doubtful. But forced into agreement by the other two.
Ram: Yeh dekho mere pass kya hai J
Hanuman: Arre! Yeh sikka toh Jay paaji ka hai!
Laxman: Jay paaji!!
Hanuman: Abey, Sholay wale.
Ram, Laxman, Hanuman: Let’s go and get Sita back.

Final Scene: Ashok Vatika mein Lukka Chuppi

Ram: Ravan, Ravan where are you? We are here to take up your challenge.
Ha ha ha ha (loud roar)
Ravan (entering the stage): Oye! Aa jao, ho jaye lukka chuppi. Tum jeete toh Sita tumhari, nahin toh…..ha ha ha!
Hanuman: Oye let’s toss, for whom to blindfold. So heads you loose and tails we win.
Ravan: ok! Ok….oye! what? Mujhe bevakoof bana raha hai.
Hanuman: Oye nahi, ok…tails you win and heads we win!
Ravan: Haan! Ab theek hai.
Hanuman: he he! Jaye paaji ka sikka…he he..
Toss happens.
Hanuman: Hurray!! We won, its heads (he he!)
Hanuman blindfolds Ravan.

Song…lukka chuppi….
Ram starts looking for Sita.Hanuman and Laxman distract Ravan away from Ram. Ram finds Sita and runs away. Laxman also follows.Hanuman gets caught. Ravan catches hold of Hanuman’s tail!!

Ravan: Oye! I caught Sita, I caught Sita!! Ha ha ha!!
(Hanuman is giggling)
Hanuman opens the blindfold…(expressions….)
Song..golmaal hai bhai sab golmaal hai..
Hanuman runs………Ravan runs after him….

The End