helping vs exploiting

Hypothetically lets assume there are two people. One person, say X believes in making the other person happy and tries to help her as much as possible. The other person, say Y finds greater pleasure in the fact that she exploits X. She has zero respect for X and tags with her only for the benefits that come along in the process. And if you happen to watch all this and are able to see through both the people and the motives behind them, how should you react? Lets consider another hypothetical scenario wherein you actually explain X about Y and still, X chooses to ignore it completely. Are you the bad person because u tried to warn her? Or did you do that out of love and respect for X? Or did you do it just because your intellect fights with you, saying you should do something about what you don't think seems right?! Should X be considered very good and helping? or innocent and ignorant?? Should Y be considered lucky and cunning? or exploiting and dangerous?

From this I can deduce the following.

• Some find it hard to change their habits, even when deep down they already know their habits are bad. And obviously, they don't like it when you point that out.
• Some have the knack of acting like a strong glue, getting into your head and controlling you and feeling real proud of themselves on their act.

This world is filled with both the types of people.

Doing a task is one thing. But the motives behind that task is another big thing. If you do a good thing and have a bad motive behind it, whether anyone else figures it out or not, The supreme power watching us does!! 

Marriage

There are many sweet pages in marriage, which cannot be explained by any gauge
None of the degrees from Cambridge, can dare to sum it as garbage
With the jokes they stage, they change it to carnage
I definitely discourage, their attempt to damage


The two souls that engage, With various feelings in the backstage
decide to become a package, and travel together on the bridge
Be it in a village, where things are in shortage
From times vintage, to the end they acknowledge
It’s a great bond that doesn’t need any leverage

Expectation!

Was talking to a few friends at the breakfast today and in the conversation one of them said, "We should not have any expectation from others. Only then we can have a happy relationship with the person". I actually kind of agree to disagree on that stand.

If there is no expectation at all between two people, is whatever the thing it is between them even called a 'relationship'? ?They will just be two people, two random people if all they do is care about nothing at all for each other. If you are talking about an ideal scenario where both are very selfless and each person cares about the other person and at the same time does not 'expect' that the other person cares about her, then we definitely are living in the fictional Atlantis world. And why even in that world would someone do that? Just because they are related to each other somehow? or should one do that to the entire mankind living in that world?? Then we would all be part of "Vasudhaiva kutumbam", a sanskrit phrase which means, "the world is one family".

For a bond to develop in any relation, we should have some basic trust and belief in the person that he/she will be there for you when you need them whether or not it requires them to go over the line for you. You don't sometimes 'expect' every person to go over the line to help you. That part of not expecting is fine with me. But as long as it is within their limits, you do expect them to stand by you. Otherwise, what is the difference between a random stranger on the road, your friend, your relative and your family? In most cases, its how much or to what extent you can count on the person that makes up the intensity of the bond you share with the person.

Do you react? or respond?

"Don't react, always respond. That is a smarter way with life"- I came across this somewhere recently and felt its rather thought provoking. Reacting is what we do in the heat of the moment, mostly driven by emotion. Responding is what we should do after we have our thoughts gathered and are not clouded by the emotion.

But how exactly can one plan to do that? Counting to ten or twenty when you are angry is a way. But not sure how effective it is when the other person continues to irritate you throughout the counting. You can walk away from that place and give yourself 5 to 10 minutes. But what happens in that time?? Frankly, you take that time to think about all the bad things that person has ever done in his/her life against you or any other soul. And then what? Your anger intensifies. You might have refrained from having a stained relationship with that person by walking away and not reacting when you were angry. But it did not lessen your burden. You are still carrying it and it will be heavier than ever, because you have attached a lot of dirt to the person and are holding it with you.

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day and it came to my mind that there is a work around to the above issue. Two things can be done

• Isolate the argument/scenario. Don't club it with other bad incidents you might have had with the person.
• In case you don't hold a good bond with the person, imagine that person to be someone else you really like. That makes you not look at their mistake as a huge one. And also gives you the big heart to forgive/ignore that and move on!

And btw, I just googled respond vs react to get a relevant picture to post it with the blog and there are tons and tons of quotes, messages and cartoons all over the internet on this very topic! Upon self assessment, I think I mostly just react. Let my emotions pour in and lead the way. After sleeping over it for a couple of days, I come up with 'n' number of ways I could have handled the situation in a better way. I need to work on responding and I plan to start practicing with my kids, I guess! ;)

Nostalgia

It was around 7:30 PM yesterday when I dropped my kid off at home on the bike and was searching my phone in the bag while sitting on the bike with the side stand on. I turned back immediately as I

heard a voice - "Akka, something fell down from your purse". Still in the bliss that there are still a few 8 year olds who don't address me as "aunty", I looked down trying to figure what slipped off my purse. The second kid yelled - Advance April fool akka!!! I laughed at myself for a while recollecting all those mischiefs that we used to do as kids in the name of April fools day. That kid is somewhere still present in me. I immediately wanted to reply, Oh! Almost forgot, Enjoy YOUR day tomorrow. But then, I realized that they wont get it. So, I refrained myself from retorting.. and simply smiled. Another couple of boys were a few steps behind them. They hurried towards me and said - "your money fell down akka". I said, "hey, you can keep it". 

Thinking of it, what all we used to do? Gaawwwd!! Some used to get rubber lizards and cockroaches to scare ppl. And there was a count too.. How many people have you fooled today?? We plan the strategies ahead and sometimes group together making sure not a single person is left without being bluffed. These kids are actually celebrating it one day in advance.! Good progress.