Women's days: The true spirit

Happy Women's day!! Even today, even the well educated lot think having a girl child is a sin. Why I am stressing on the educated lot is because it is expected of them to talk sensible. I heard one of the recorded messages of Chaganti, one of the greatest speakers, where he said that you will be blessed with a baby boy only when u look at your partner in the eye at that auspicious time during marriage instead of the videographer and you hold the jaggery jeera mixture in one particular way on each others heads. What does that mean? Having a baby girl is a sin according to him?? There is another saying in telugu, "abadhhalaadithe aada pillalu pudatharu" which means if you tell lies, you will be cursed with a baby girl. How the hell can people demean women like that? Every single day people keep forwarding all sorts of jokes on women in general and wives in particular. And today every single person is going on picking some quotes from the internet on how great women are and just forwarding across bombarding the inboxes and social media with messages. Not sure how many really believe in it. What i am trying to say is, if you believe in something, do it. Don't do it just as a custom or just because others are watching. First respect the women around you and realise the value of their presence, then go on wishing the rest of the world. 

One year after demonetisation...

What did Modi Say? What actually happened in reality a year later? What according to him was the purpose of that decision? What are the four main problems he said will be eradicated with that decision? Were they really eradicated? Here is a small AV which summarises it all so well.. 

https://youtu.be/JGBPDjsmlUM

Respect for the Job

Yesterday, we have been to Pantaloons @PVP Mall, Vijayawada. There is a brand there for the plus sizes. We went to check out the garments there. One salesman came down to attend to us without us asking/calling him. There were two Jeans on the table. When we asked him for our size, he was with some kind of puzzled expression. I asked if those are the only two jeans that they have. He said, 'Yes, madam. We are just introducing the Jeans in this brand. So, that is all we have' I then took a look around and found one whole rack filled with Jeans(about 40 of them) I told him, hey, what are all these? He said..oh, they are there. I asked him to show us some size 2 Jeans. He just searched in a very disinterested fashion and said, there is no size 2. Only sizes 1, 3 and more. By then I already picked a size 3 and asked my husband to try it out. I din't trust that guy. I looked into each of those 40 Jeans and found three size 2's. I was very angry and told him-'u said there were no size2's. I found three of them.' He was like. I am not from this brand. The corresponding person did not come. I looked at him as though I din't even want to talk further and went away from that place. 

We din't call him. We were good on our own. He comes to us, gives us wrong information, that too so

confidently and cooks up some story to support it.. we are just introducing Jeans and thtz y only two of them? crazy explanation. And then later even after I showed him the bulk of them, he did not care to bend and check them out. He doesn't care whether we buy it or not. At the end of the month, he gets his salary. Who is at a loss? His employer. I don't know why people don't respect the job they do.. and why they don't do it sincerely. That is helping their living. Such people should be marked unfit and tagged across some Aadhar card or something and no other person should appoint them. Only then will every citizen start taking their job, whatever it is, seriously. Its really getting difficult to find some good people who consider work as a responsibility and do it with full commitment. Now I realize how awesome I was and how fortunate they were, when I worked for my employers. ;) lol

helping vs exploiting

Hypothetically lets assume there are two people. One person, say X believes in making the other person happy and tries to help her as much as possible. The other person, say Y finds greater pleasure in the fact that she exploits X. She has zero respect for X and tags with her only for the benefits that come along in the process. And if you happen to watch all this and are able to see through both the people and the motives behind them, how should you react? Lets consider another hypothetical scenario wherein you actually explain X about Y and still, X chooses to ignore it completely. Are you the bad person because u tried to warn her? Or did you do that out of love and respect for X? Or did you do it just because your intellect fights with you, saying you should do something about what you don't think seems right?! Should X be considered very good and helping? or innocent and ignorant?? Should Y be considered lucky and cunning? or exploiting and dangerous?

From this I can deduce the following.

• Some find it hard to change their habits, even when deep down they already know their habits are bad. And obviously, they don't like it when you point that out.
• Some have the knack of acting like a strong glue, getting into your head and controlling you and feeling real proud of themselves on their act.

This world is filled with both the types of people.

Doing a task is one thing. But the motives behind that task is another big thing. If you do a good thing and have a bad motive behind it, whether anyone else figures it out or not, The supreme power watching us does!! 

Marriage

There are many sweet pages in marriage, which cannot be explained by any gauge
None of the degrees from Cambridge, can dare to sum it as garbage
With the jokes they stage, they change it to carnage
I definitely discourage, their attempt to damage


The two souls that engage, With various feelings in the backstage
decide to become a package, and travel together on the bridge
Be it in a village, where things are in shortage
From times vintage, to the end they acknowledge
It’s a great bond that doesn’t need any leverage

Expectation!

Was talking to a few friends at the breakfast today and in the conversation one of them said, "We should not have any expectation from others. Only then we can have a happy relationship with the person". I actually kind of agree to disagree on that stand.

If there is no expectation at all between two people, is whatever the thing it is between them even called a 'relationship'? ?They will just be two people, two random people if all they do is care about nothing at all for each other. If you are talking about an ideal scenario where both are very selfless and each person cares about the other person and at the same time does not 'expect' that the other person cares about her, then we definitely are living in the fictional Atlantis world. And why even in that world would someone do that? Just because they are related to each other somehow? or should one do that to the entire mankind living in that world?? Then we would all be part of "Vasudhaiva kutumbam", a sanskrit phrase which means, "the world is one family".

For a bond to develop in any relation, we should have some basic trust and belief in the person that he/she will be there for you when you need them whether or not it requires them to go over the line for you. You don't sometimes 'expect' every person to go over the line to help you. That part of not expecting is fine with me. But as long as it is within their limits, you do expect them to stand by you. Otherwise, what is the difference between a random stranger on the road, your friend, your relative and your family? In most cases, its how much or to what extent you can count on the person that makes up the intensity of the bond you share with the person.

Do you react? or respond?

"Don't react, always respond. That is a smarter way with life"- I came across this somewhere recently and felt its rather thought provoking. Reacting is what we do in the heat of the moment, mostly driven by emotion. Responding is what we should do after we have our thoughts gathered and are not clouded by the emotion.

But how exactly can one plan to do that? Counting to ten or twenty when you are angry is a way. But not sure how effective it is when the other person continues to irritate you throughout the counting. You can walk away from that place and give yourself 5 to 10 minutes. But what happens in that time?? Frankly, you take that time to think about all the bad things that person has ever done in his/her life against you or any other soul. And then what? Your anger intensifies. You might have refrained from having a stained relationship with that person by walking away and not reacting when you were angry. But it did not lessen your burden. You are still carrying it and it will be heavier than ever, because you have attached a lot of dirt to the person and are holding it with you.

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day and it came to my mind that there is a work around to the above issue. Two things can be done

• Isolate the argument/scenario. Don't club it with other bad incidents you might have had with the person.
• In case you don't hold a good bond with the person, imagine that person to be someone else you really like. That makes you not look at their mistake as a huge one. And also gives you the big heart to forgive/ignore that and move on!

And btw, I just googled respond vs react to get a relevant picture to post it with the blog and there are tons and tons of quotes, messages and cartoons all over the internet on this very topic! Upon self assessment, I think I mostly just react. Let my emotions pour in and lead the way. After sleeping over it for a couple of days, I come up with 'n' number of ways I could have handled the situation in a better way. I need to work on responding and I plan to start practicing with my kids, I guess! ;)

Nostalgia

It was around 7:30 PM yesterday when I dropped my kid off at home on the bike and was searching my phone in the bag while sitting on the bike with the side stand on. I turned back immediately as I

heard a voice - "Akka, something fell down from your purse". Still in the bliss that there are still a few 8 year olds who don't address me as "aunty", I looked down trying to figure what slipped off my purse. The second kid yelled - Advance April fool akka!!! I laughed at myself for a while recollecting all those mischiefs that we used to do as kids in the name of April fools day. That kid is somewhere still present in me. I immediately wanted to reply, Oh! Almost forgot, Enjoy YOUR day tomorrow. But then, I realized that they wont get it. So, I refrained myself from retorting.. and simply smiled. Another couple of boys were a few steps behind them. They hurried towards me and said - "your money fell down akka". I said, "hey, you can keep it". 

Thinking of it, what all we used to do? Gaawwwd!! Some used to get rubber lizards and cockroaches to scare ppl. And there was a count too.. How many people have you fooled today?? We plan the strategies ahead and sometimes group together making sure not a single person is left without being bluffed. These kids are actually celebrating it one day in advance.! Good progress.

People: Ofcourse are part of the experience!

Age is just a number! And for it to remain that way, we need to stay fit and improve our stamina. As part of that, I decided to join some strength building activity like gym/aerobics/yoga. I already tried yoga a couple of years back. Its actually slow, calm and you know, not my type. I tried gym for a month. You have your own exercise list and you just go on to do those. It actually felt boring after a few days. I gave it a break and finally joined the aerobics class.

The instructor is intolerably annoying, atleast thatz what it felt like initially. "I will learn aerobics for a month or two and then practice it on my own at home. No more classes beyond that", I told myself. I promptly tried to practice the workouts at home over the weekends, when there is no class. Ten minutes is how long I was able to focus before losing the motivation and moving on. Thats when I realized that group workouts work better than individual ones, especially when you have a nice inspiring group. Just when I think of taking a pause from the workouts, I look at my group mates and none of them would stop. They might do it a bit slowly..but they wont stop.. And breaking the silence of the tiredness comes a strong voice -"Come on, do it faster". The energy rushes in from no where and we all start doing the exercises with enthusiasm. 

Its over the next one month that I found out, the energy of the group is the instructor. Every single person praises him and talks volumes of good about him, how much ever they curse him while doing the workouts. Actually the class is really fun when I think about it. Its been almost three months and I am still excited to wear the shoes and step my foot inside the class every single day. Each day is a new experience...it could be with dumb bells, rod, heavy dancing to music, mild dancing with swift movements or just workouts with music or counting.. even better sometimes the class closes with a few steps of salsa. The love of my life says, I have two left legs when it comes to dancing. It is actually one hundred percent true. And each day I work towards cutting off some percent from that 100%. Vijay, keep watching! I am soon gonna make you proud with my moves... lol :D

Having said that, its the people that make the experience better than it might already be! Thank you all my group mates for making my aerobics experience awesome. Looking forward to more and more fun!!

A perfect evening!

Sometimes we search all over and go to places far away to have just the perfect evening of your choice. We ignore the ones which are right before us in the process. We have been to Taj gateway @ Vijayawada over the last weekend, since we din't find much time to plan a trip outstation. It has a beautiful swimming pool on the 7th floor. It was 4ft deep. Just the right depth to enjoy whether you know or don't know swimming. It being the tallest building in Vijayawada so far(there are other projects with higher levels in the construction phase now though), it has the most beautiful view of
the city from the pool. It was cloudy with a gentle cool breeze that day and there were no other guests in the pool. It was just the four of us and before we even realized that it has been 2 whole hours in there, time just flew. Many hotels don't allow food to be consumed inside the pool. But they served us hot mirchi bajji, sliced in between and stuffed with onion and coriander right at the pool. It was just a relaxed evening and we had great fun! 

Kids: The first side!

In this blog, I will talk about the best things that kids do to us. Being extremely innocent and cute, they make you wonder what if the world is just filled with nothing other than innocence? Would it make it a better place to be? After having a long day, all you need to do is look into their tiny curious eyes filled with love, their cutest little lips rendering the most beautiful wide smile as if you are everything to them. At that very moment, you forget the rest of the world. I sometimes wish, I were just there, right there and din't have to come out of that trance.

Kids look up to you and try to be like you. This makes you behave with utmost caution when they are around and obviously want to set a good example to them by living in the best way you can to being a good individual. Good meaning, good at heart. You try to teach them a lot of values. They never miss a single opportunity to point finger at you, when you don't follow something that you preach. Of course we try not to give them one! And in the process we acquire a few good traits and improve on some we already have.

The way they come running to you with an illuminating face screaming at the top of their voice out of happiness and their arms stretched out wide to hug you tight after you come home from somewhere is priceless. Its a feeling better felt than told. While watching our kids grow, we recollect a lot of stuff that we have done during our childhood. We re-live all those precious touching moments from our past - some naughty, some scary, few annoying, few others funny. We make their achievements ours and be happy for them. I am not sure whether they get stressed for their exams, but we do! They spice up our lives and make it fun. When you are in an argument with someone, the way they defend u irrespective of the fact that u discipline them a lot, boosts ur morale beyond words.

Instead of worrying much about what would happen after they grow up or how long the bond that we currently hold with them is going to last etc, we just have to enjoy the blissful moments that they currently give us. Though they make us feel blessed when they are happy, they make us crazy when they are cranky! Just embrace all the emotions that life gives us! Love you both troublesome adorable lovely darlings Sreesikha and Saanvika. You make our family complete.

Kids: The other side - Part1

There was a time when I used to just love kids... Used to find them extremely cute, innocent and good at heart. Loved spending time with them and felt really happy when they look forward to spending time with me! Things slowly began to change. hey! Before you proceed further, I have to say that I am definitely not a misopedist. I am just laying facts forward so that you will be prepared. I will talk about the awesomeness in the pain in my next blog. Here I am focusing on the other side. Having said that, I can safely proceed to the rest of my thoughts. After seeing how destructive and extremely naughty kids are, I realized there is more to that cutie bubbly stuff that requires a lot of patience to handle. Its surely fun to play with them once in a while, but its a complete responsibility to raise one. And that demands a lot of qualities from you. To name a few, energy, constant running behind them, suppressing even the last part of ego that u might have and trying to be nice to them to convince them towards positive behaviour - trust me, they don't listen when u shout at them; all you can do is play a good cop and be gentle and kind to them. Like other grownups, they cannot modify their behaviour based on your mood swings. In which ever mood you otherwise are, you have to be composed with them. 'coz exactly when u are not in a good mood, they will be crankier than ever, you can just take my word for it! Especially the ones less than 5 years old bring out the best behaviour in you. They make you do most of the things for the first time in your life. For instance, you become a mom, clean someones poop, be peed upon, be puked upon sometimes, bathe such tiny baby, shop extensively for the best and comfortable baby stuff, get extremely worried at the tiniest of their discomfort, feel on top of the world when they reach any of their milestones - like crawl, stand, walk, talk etc, spend so many sleepless nights and many more all for the first time in your life. Trust me, There will be a time when all you want to do is to take a long undisturbed bath which itself feels like a tough task. And you will love the few minutes of peace time when they are asleep. They shout loudly when u are in the middle of an important conversation or a phone call and when u ask them to calm down, they shout even louder. When we take the naughty ones outside, the havoc they make will surely make few ppl say, hey! its ok, kids are like that. And I know behind every person that say this are the thoughts, "What a horrible kid! She doesn't listen to anyone. Parents should have done something to control him/her from the beginning." But do they know that it is a herculean task??? I do!!

Distance Vs Relationships

Long distance relationships as all of us agree upon, wont really work in most cases. Similarly, I had an argument with Vijay a few years back that its not the same for friendship. Long distance friendship works. If we really have good friends, we will keep in touch and will remain friends was my side of the argument. He said, you might have that bond. But, however good friend a person might be to you, unless you live in the same place and meet occasionally, that bond will be lost. You will eventually move on and get acquainted with the new place, surroundings and make new friends and begin hanging out more with them and will gradually lose your intimacy with ur old friends. I wasn't ready to accept that argument then. I thought school and college are different and the friends we make there are good and fun.. but they might not last as it is not a very mature phase of our life. However, I thought the friends we make after we set our career are going to last for a whole life. Keeping all the beautiful quotes like "Distance means so little when someone means so much", "Side by side or miles apart, real friends are always close to the heart" etc, I have finally come to accept what I failed to accept a few years back.

goodness!

We set out on a reasonably long drive to Hyderabad from Vijayawada along with our two little kids. Generally I prefer hiring a driver. But again how well can we trust him with our lives? Vijay, on the other hand prefers to drive. We decided on self driving. We were having fun.. both the kids slept off.. We had good songs on FM.. and we were both singing aloud.. road was pretty smooth.. not much traffic..We stopped at a toll plaza paying the toll and we heard heavy honking from the car behind us. I was annoyed at his impatience and stared at him. Before I began to show my anger at him, he indicated at one of the back tyres of our car. I got down and checked to see there was a puncture. What just happened? We dint know how to change it and we were on a highway. There will be highway assistance from Volkswagen guys, but not sure how long we might have to wait for it! We were told there is a puncture shop about 1 KM from there. We went slowly driving the car and wishing that somehow magically 1 KM shortens. We stopped at a small hotel on the way. Vijay asked them if it was possible for any of them to drop him off at the puncture shop so that he can bring the mechanic to the car instead of us driving there and risking a tyre burst! Lucky for us, there were not many customers in their hotel and the staff were free. The owner said they will change the tyre to stepney and we can drive wherever convenient and get the tyre fixed and changed back. I was scared if they knew how to do and if they would do it well. But to my surprise they did it very quickly and professionally. We thanked them very much and offered some money for their help. They did not expect anything in return and did not accept the money. We were planning on having breakfast a little further away from there. But, we decided to pay them back somehow and went in to have breakfast. It was decent. We drove to the mechanic shop from there! There are still good people in this world who want to help. Thanks a lot to the owner of Tulasi restaurant and the guys who helped us! The world needs such good gestures.. 

Statutory warnings - just a waste

All the movies have a warning video about smoking and drinking at the start of the movie and after the break. Why do they have it? Just because its mandatory or because they feel social obligation? Why have those scenes where the hero smokes or drinks in the first place?? Especially when they are absolutely not relevant to the story-line. Whose choice is it to have such scenes? Most of the actors put forward their own set of conditions before they sign any particular film. Why not have "I am literally not going to promote smoking, drinking alcohol etc. by not doing scenes involving things I don't promote". The rest of the crimes actors perform on the screen are crimes and hence forbidden whereas in case of smoking or drinking, since it is not an offence, statutory warnings are shown in public interest. 

There is an uproar in the directors to have the disclaimers removed. They feel the first shot of the film and the shot just after interval should capture rapport with the audiences . When the disclaimer videos take away the film from the director at those two crucial points of the story, it is actually robbing him of  his creative rights. Perfect! I agree with them partly. The disclaimers actually don't give any value addition to the society. People who smoke very well know what they are getting themselves into and those who don't, don't need to know! If you really feel the moral responsibility as a film maker, do not include any smoking scenes in the movie. If you cannot do that, atleast don't have the actors representing good characters(meant to inspire people to do good) do that. And those supporting the addition of such warnings should consider supporting ban of such products. 

They have to be curbed at the manufacturing level! Every hazardous item that is manufactured has a better use too.. For instance, detonators are dangerous. But they do save a lot of man power in drilling through the mountains etc. So, we cannot stop their manufacturing. Similarly what is the other good use of cigarettes? They are just produced to smoke off and pollute the air along with the smoker. So, why have them at all????

Resolutions!

With the dawn of the new year, I hear the word 'resolutions' too often! Some framing theirs very seriously and posting it everywhere and asking others what their resolutions are.. While the definition of this word in this context goes something like this - A firm decision to do or not to do something, I wonder what its significance is to the new year! I believe, if u want to do something, there is no better time to start it than right NOW!! Don't wait up. Ofcourse every year is a new beginning. And so is every month, every week, every day, every hour.. oh come on! every measurable second is a new one!! What happens with the resolutions that you so specifically wait for the new year and begin? You follow for a few days or weeks.. some stronger and determined people follow for a few months. And then what? You wait for another new year to make another set of resolutions.. and the years go on.. where you finally reach a point where you add, "following my resolutions strictly" as one of your resolutions! I am not pointing at anybody. I am just talking out of experience.. The best thing to do that might work better, or rather which worked better to me was.. if u realize you have to stop or start doing something, just start it at the earliest convenience and don't wait for the new year!

Protocol?

There is gathering/meeting at a place and we hear a big list of names and they talk volumes about how much money they have EACH generously given  for the event to take place. Really? Have they given the amount because they truly believe in whatever is happening and want to be part of the cause. Or for their names to be echoed all over the mikes and speakers so that they can feel good about it and consider it as ROI. Trust me, its not just a few names. The list goes on to the extent that the actual agenda will seem only a miniature compared to it.  That is not just it.. there will be banners all over the place with the names and photos of the families of the donors. If there are any invitation cards printed for the event, ahhh.. that is a nightmare for the one in charge of the content. Why is my name at the bottom? why is Mr.X's in red color and mine not? what is the size of font you are using for my name? Hey, does anyone bother to check if the event details are specified correctly without any typos and errors? Even religious gatherings are not an exception to this. We hear the names of people more number of times than we hear the name of God! I am already losing interest in such gatherings, thanks to everyone part of making it happen!

How is saree conservative?

Saree - I just can't understand how it is conservative! It exposes a women more than a salwar or a jeans does for that matter. There are people who think wearing a saree is being traditional and conservative. As a matter of fact, I personally feel, saree limits the tasks a women can do. You cannot sit on a bike at the back with one leg on each side. You cannot run around as freely as you can as compared to a salwar or a jeans.. and there are many more such things..It clearly looks bad when u have to bend or do some household work. Yet, I just don't get it as to how it is more traditional and acceptable to every occasion to all the audience and other dresses are not! 

Dad's Daughters and Mom's Sons!

It is said that girls are generally more intimate with their dads and boys are more closer to their moms. I have two girls.. So, I started thinking about the concept and came up with an answer as to why it is said so! 

In earlier days, girls hardly used to go out. They are mostly confined to their homes. If they need anything from outside, they have to depend on their dads. Since they are taught to be good at household work and cooking, they might not need much from their moms and don't rely on them for anything. In the case of the boys, they hardly have anything to do with the kitchen. They have to be dependent on their moms even for a glass of water. 

Hence, girls will be more nice to their dads and boys will be extra sweet to their moms because they totally depend on them in things they have absolutely no clue about and cannot risk it!

Canopying in South Africa

South Africa - A place where you have a scope for many adventures, if you are interested to do, like abseiling, sky diving, canopying, ostrich rides, segway rides, zip rides and a lot more! One of the adventures that I performed was Canopying, where I was harnessed and hung to a rope connecting two huge mountains. I traveled from mountain to mountain sliding onto the rope with thick gloves on my hands. There were totally eleven slides to reach the destination. After two slides, there was a chance to decide whether it was enough of an adventure and we can choose to walk away. But, Once we are past the third rope, there was no scope to go back without finishing the eleven slides. It was a rainy day. Rain in South Africa was not the way it rains here in India. It was a very slight drizzle and highly windy. The climate, dress, helmet and the entire - it felt like we were astronauts walking on the moon.

The ropes were made of some steel and hence highly slippery when wet. We were to apply breaks in order not to end up banging our legs to the mountain at the landing. If we apply extra breaks, we will end up hanging on the rope itself without reaching the landing point. We will have to drag ourselves to the mountain on the rope bearing our entire weight on our arms. There was high fog all around and from the elevation we were at, it was completely as though we were sliding over the clouds high above in the sky! The first slide was scary. In the midway, neither could I see the starting point from where I began to slide, nor the landing point. The wind was so noisy that I could hear nothing other than its uzzzzzzzzzz. The sound itself was scary. As we moved from mountain to mountain, the fog slowly began to clear up, the fear faded away, the fun exponentially increased with the confidence fully built! Nature and its beauty moved us forward with the site of the beautiful mountains - some green, some brown, some white; some foggy, some clear- with waterfalls running in between here and there.

After all the slides with a floating experience, there was a 20 minute trek to reach the jeep. With the costumes that felt like they weighed about 5Kgs, we had to drag ourselves against the hilly terrain with no sign boards on the way. As there was no other way, we decided that it was the right way and walked across 3 hills where we finally saw the open top jeep to take us back to the reception! The slight drizzles were all over us, eyes never tired of watching the beauty around, mouth not tired of praising it..Awesome experience!! Simply loved every minute spent over there..