Gadgets.. Killers!!

Gone are those days when people interact more with people. Here are the days when a human being in the mask of being a social being is actually getting closer to being in his/her own self. To get the reviews about something, we used to talk to people who have been there or get in touch with people who know about what we are seeking reviews on and thus be in touch with our friends or make new friends as the case may be. But now, all we have to do is open a damn site and check the reviews. I have once seen people meeting over a coffee to chit chat when bored. Now, its all through WhatsApp or some other chat engines. What are we being? social?? Really??

Technology to some extent has done a great deal to humanity. Cell phones for instance have revolutionized communications. If we had been satisfied by that, we wouldn't be in smart phone era where we can open maps and navigate easily to required destination at places we are not acquainted with.. Neither would planning a trip have been so easier through various applications on the phones. But, how many of us are using the smart phones, ipads, touch pads, notepads or God knows what ever gadgets to just getting our work done? Earlier when people sit before a desktop, we know they are working or busy or occupied with something. But now, the killers are being carried everywhere.. while eating, watching tv, conversing, playing, working out.. where not! just literally everywhere and at all times.. With one of those in our hands, its tough for someone else physically before you, talking to you to know whether u are actually listening to them or lost in your world. 

How much ever I appreciate the convenience they bring in, I am beginning to hate them for what we are turning into. I am afraid, we will soon lose ourselves to them.. 

Choice!

Life is mostly about choice. We have to make various choices at each and every phase of life. There are a few we can make quite easily, while a few others require a lot of thought processing. Most of the choices in my childhood were taken care of by my parents. I really did not realize how much work gets into each of those that were spoon fed to me. It was only after I stepped into my engineering that I started making my own choices, of course after discussing with my parents. 

Now that I am a parent, I see every choice that we make for the kids is life making to them. It starts right from naming the kid. That is something they will carry for the rest of their life. They will have a choice to change it later on, but we don't consider that possibility while naming them. Picking a school for the kid has become an even more tough task. Each of us have our own set of criteria as to what kind of school we want our kids to study in. Nothing is perfect. Nothing can ever be exactly like how you want it to be. We can only get the one that is closest to what we want. But again, how much ever we choose and pick the best of the available options to us, there are a whole bunch of variables which can turn our choice into a good one or a bad one. Like for instance we pick a school that is best in the interest of our kid, there are various sections for a particular class and the allotment into the section is totally random. How do we know whether we are going to like the teacher who teaches them? I don't want to say the best teacher, especially today being teachers day, because every teacher is good. It is just that we feel better with some of them around due to matching ideologies. How do we know about the classmates? Certain things which we cannot choose, have to be left to destiny! 

I wish there were CC cameras in every class and we can get to see them at their office room after taking appointment. That way we can stay with our children during the time we are away from them. We can know exactly what they are going through. I know I am being a little too apprehensive here. Every parent has to go through this phase and hope the child learns only the good stuff irrespective of the company she is in. Its time to let the bird begin to fly.. and watch its back!

Back to being my own self!!

I used to feel something missing in my life, something that I couldn't really figure out until recently. At the end of the day, I was not able to sleep happily due to this missing something. Days are seeming to be normal these days. And now I am thinking what has changed over the past 10 days. I have become more independent. I gave a long break to the cook in our house. The maid who otherwise comes twice daily is hardly coming once in a day. My mother in law is on a vacation and I have the entire kitchen and a whole bunch of responsibilities to handle, completely on my own. I have a two year old to occasionally irritate me exactly when peace is one thing I need the most. I thought patience is something that cannot be learnt. It has to be within us. But I think I am getting well trained in being patient. I am not shouting at her as often as I used to. Additionally I am working in the office for 4 hours a day, though not contributing anything much yet, but having my time away from home for those few hours a day experiencing the life of a semi working mom. 

Satisfaction is something that has been added into my life. I am satisfied with my performance as of now. I am happy being busy. Busy life has become a part of my life for a very long time that it can be said to be an integral part of myself. What have I been missing all this while? I have been missing the responsibilities that I love, control over things managing time and resources, using some brain to solve issues if any, making my presence felt (missed it the most), being independent, being active (become very lazy these days) and so on.. I will close this by recollecting what my physics sir in +2 Mr. Lakshmana Rao said, "If u don't believe the life u live in, then u have to live the life u believe in".  

Ignorance is a bliss

I once thought that blessed are the ones who can judge people better with a conversation or two. They can be careful in their terms with the cunning individuals and save themselves from a lot of trouble. But little did I realize that this blessing can turn into a curse. Sometimes it feels much more comfortable to be in false hope rather than to face the reality, especially when the reality is very bitter. True, reality is bitter. The reality that everyone lives for his/her own selfish needs with very few people thinking otherwise, is hard to accept. It gets even more harder to withstand and live among such people. You tend to move away from them. Far away that you end up wondering what the hell did I gain by knowing them for who they actually are? Weren't things much simpler when I was thinking that the world is ideal?

No wonder, we all realize at some point or the other that childhood days are the sweetest. You are ignorant of so many things. You think that everyone is good and everyone belongs to you and love people unconditionally. All the parents will agree to me that it is practically impossible to bring up a child without being hard on them at times. I kind of have a higher limit on how hard I can be, due to my low patience levels. However, sometimes I feel ashamed at how she craves to make me happy when I am not in a good mood. If you have mistaken me already, I am not claiming here that I am the only perfect soul. I have my own set of negatives to work on. I have a lot to learn from a 2 year old. But too tough to implement it for us, because we know what the world is unlike her. How I wish things are as easy to implement, as they are to talk about. If I feel like this, I cannot imagine what He must be going through to see his characters perform the drama in such a disturbing way! Definitely, ignorance is a bliss!!!

Bhavani Island!

Finally....!! I have been wanting to go to Bhavani Island for the last 3 years. Today, I got a chance to be there. The island is very crowded in karthika masam that you feel reluctant to go there unless you have a big group of your own. On the rest of the days, there are too few people on the island doing things you really wont be interested to know. So, that makes it not a safe place for people like us to go and have fun in those days. I was aware that today is the last sunday of karthika masam, but din't really have it on my mind in the morning while having a lazy sunday breakfast until someone told me that they were going to "Bhavani Island" for vanabhojanalu(A social concept where people gather at a place and have some fun filled activities and lunch, preferably under trees in some garden). Whoever knows me in the whole of Vijayawada, I bet is aware of the longing I have to go to the Island. There was a gush of thoughts in my head at that very moment i heard those words. I went straight to Vijay and told him that I want to go to the Island today. One has to be fortunate to have a special someone in their lives who cares about your feelings and is willing to make things happen, just for you. We immediately got ready and just went ahead to Punnami resorts. There was a line where we had to wait for almost an hour in the scorching Sun to get into a boat to take us to the Island. I had the two best men of my life with me(Vijay and my dad) and my wonderful little daughter, none of them showing even a slightest discomfort on their face for what they are going through for me, just because I wanted to experience going there. Not that it is one great place, but just that I want to have that place checked in the list of my visiting places. It is a feeling that can only be understood when felt than being said. After reaching the island, my daughter had a great time. She enjoyed the open air, lots of place to run around, many kids whom she watched play, playing a few small rides... She also enjoyed the boat ride to and from the Island. It was truly a wonderful experience for me today! 

Innocence or forgiveness?

This was an incident that happened about 17 years ago. I still remember it so well, because it has left an indelible mark on me. I was a kid then and was very fascinated by babies. They come to me quite easily and would enjoy to stay with me and play. I was so proud of myself that I have a charm to attract kids and I have a way with them. Vasu, my cousin's daughter slapped on this  very pride. She never came to me and never played with me. I remember once when I went to my grandmothers house I cried because she wasn't coming to me. Looking at my grief,  my cousin forcefully kept the baby in my hands. Vasu as a small baby began crying so badly that I had to finish my holidays without being successful at gaining her attention or love or whatever it is called..

When Vasu was 2 years old, she came to my house with her mom. I was so happy because i thought i can bribe her with all my toys and get her to come to me. Yet another disappointment..nothing worked.. She was so rigid about not coming to me and my ego did not allow me to give up. She left me no choice than being harsh to her. I locked the rest of the people in the house in a room and told her that I will allow her in only if she came to me like other kids. She did not buy that. I dont remember for how long i made her cry or how much the elders shouted at me. Finally one of my maternal cousins came home. Though Vasu was meeting him for the first time, she went running to him and he took her out to calm her down. This irritated me all the more..Why the hell does she not like me?

I sat there wondering about so many things. I dont know what my cousin told her on the way or if at all he told her anything. After they returned, she came to me by herself and offered me one of the two chocolates she got from the store outside. I did not have any words. I literally tortured her and she..she innocently came to me to share her chocolate. All this flashes in my head when i meet her even today...

Motherhood!!

My blog page normally talks about my experiences and my perception about things with some exaggeration where required to spice up the reading experience. Well, these days my life is travelling in a totally different direction from what it was. Anand, a friend asked me the other day as to why I haven't posted in a long time.. I asked him what to blog on and he said, well, you are a mother now.. Why don't u blog about it? It occurred to me as a brilliant idea and here it goes.. 

As I read on one of the pages on the net, there is no book in the world that could come close to fully explaining the enormity of a mothers job. The shift into motherhood is a complete physical, mental and above all an emotional transformation. Many of the life changes continue after the baby arrives. Career goals, financial planning, travel plans, social life, family life are a few to quote. 

Its really fun to look at babies and play with them. But its a totally different experience to raise a baby. Playing with the baby is only one aspect. Having baby as a part of your life is another! One has to fully understand the intricacy and the associated responsibility. Childhood is an important part of any person's life. It lays the foundation for ones character. It certainly is the whole responsibility of a mother to ensure that the child sufficiently enjoys this most joyful phase of its life and at the same time cultivate healthy living habits and travel in the direction of being a good human being.

It takes only a couple of minutes to yell at them and that haunts the brain for a long time. Thankfully, though they are not in a position to understand that whatever you do is for their good in a long term, they do forget your anger very soon and come running to you with a nice smile and hug you. That is when it pricks me real hard and makes me wonder whether I need to improve on my patience levels or the baby needs to improve on her obedience. And yes.. It is at this time that we need support from the rest of the family as well. Though the baby cannot, our family should definitely understand that we(mothers) are the last ones on earth who would want our kids to suffer.. if we do something to hurt them, we do it because we have to and not because we want to and  that we suffer many folds more than we hurt them!!